All it takes is one thing to remind me how alone I am. Today
I received an email telling us when housing signups were. No one wants to room
with me. I can feel it in my bones. Freshman year I thought I gained all these
great connections. Then some friends and I tried to get an apartment and it
fell through and none of them wanted to room with me. Then no one wanted to
room with me the following year, and then the guy who I was gunna room with
bailed on me and I just expect it to go this way again. I just always wind up
with whoever is on the damn facebook group.
I hate being the odd one out. The one no one really wants. The
one that everyone smiles when they see but when I pass they probably just shake
their head and walk away.
I hate feeling alone.
I know I am not completely alone but I definitely feel it. I
have Tasha and I have some friends, but none that can or will live with me. One
is going to a different college next year, one is a girl, and my quote, un quote best friend is Tasha, also a girl…
I’m not alone but I feel alone.
I suppose you could say I don’t really have a best guy
friend right now. I would say it’s
weird, but it’s not really. I haven’t really had a want for one for so long
now, but I am sitting here in my room alone and it sucks. Last year there were
guys on my floor that hung with me and we had a good time but they all moved to
apartments so all alone I am here in the dorms with a roommate that I don’t
think even likes me, probably just tolerates me.
Oh well.
Suppose that’s just my life now. I am really looking forward
to being done with college. Move onto the real world. Where I can live with whomever
I want or even alone. Maybe my fish is my best guy friend right now… Which is
funny but sad.
Fuck the system, man. I really wish I could just get a place
by myself here. It would make stuff a lot simpler. Not worry about anyone else,
not deal with anyone else. Sure I would be alone, but I wouldn’t feel rejected,
it would be by choice. Does that make sense? Yeah? No?
Maybe someone will offer for me to live with him this year.
That would be nice. But it probably won’t happen.
I’ll just be alone.
In a bad place, goodnight.
3 comments:
If I was still at school, I'd room with you!
Thanks!!! I'm trying to find people but so far no luck.
It'll all work out. I found my apartment peeps a few days before sign ups through friends of friends. There is always space somewhere. Good luck!
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