Oh That's Right

Oh that's right, this blog exists. I keep forgetting. So much for a post every day eh? College life is just keeping my really busy and crazy and stuff. So much going through my head these days too that simply writing a blog post is becoming hard to do without being distracted. I am incredibly tired is about the sum of my college experience so far. I am going home this weekend so hopefully I can rest up a little and try and really relax. Hopefully with Tasha a little too. Umm... Let's see...

Remember at the beginning of the year (check an early post in January) where I talked about Jesus. Well that's a lot of what this school is about. BUT... and here is the big but. I am finding myself so overloaded with it all that I am pushing it away. Like really trying to just shove it away from myself all the time. I honestly don't know what to do. Every time I am sitting in church or in chapel or something I find myself scared to be there and I just don't know what think about any of it anymore. I guess I have never been surrounded with so many people that all believe in Him and I am finding it very hard to be myself. I am so used to there being doubters everywhere and I loved them for it!

Which is weird to say but I really love the people who don't believe. I highly recommend the book "Me of Little Faith" by Lewis Black for this reason. His comedic views on religion are hilarious. Let me say that again HIlarious. Yep, bolded and all. It's one of the reasons I am most looking to going home. Getting a break from all of this will be incredibly relieving and may even help me with my beliefs. I would like to say I believe in Him and I think I do but I think all of these people being so encompassed by the "Holy Spirit" is completely throwing me off.

This is a Nazarene school. Nazarene is a denomination in case you were wondering. I come from a solid Lutheran background so this is COMPLETELY different for me. People close their eyes, smile, bob, raise there hands, move, and more to the music and that really throws me off. I am used to standing still and singing hymns. These contemporary stuff is really throwing me off. And I knew about it before I came here but I guess I was not prepared for the sheer amount of everything that happens here that is so God like.

I guess this is me typing this out to try and understand what I am thinking better. I am hoping to talk about this more with Tasha at the end of this weekend. Thanks for reading as always.

Top 10

So I was chilling in my room last night just thinking about stuff and I thought it would be quite the interesting thing to do to create a "top 10 things I hate about my college" list. Now you must be wondering to yourself "What?!?! He's only been there a week!" But trust me no matter where you decide to go you will always find things to hate...

And now, David Letterman style...

The Top 10 Things I Hate About ONU

#10: My roommate's dishes have been dirty for a week!
#9: A week after I got here my PS3 broke
#8: The colors are Purple and Gold... PURPLE
#7: To get from my radio class to my english class requires serious speed walking
#6: Marching Band... 'nough said
#5: The food
#4: Did I mention Marching Band?
#3: Can't cuddle with my girlfriend regularly
#2: Can't openly kiss my girlfriend
#1: Can't go to my girlfriend's dorm

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is a very special day in my life. A very special day indeed.

Thinking

I am an over-thinker. I really am. I over think everything and worry about everything. With the realization that college is beginning and stuff that is out of my normal bubble is occurring I just don't know what to do. I am being thrown for a loop like a crazy man. I had my routines down and now they are gone and it is confusing the hell out of me. I really don't know what to do. Everything seems off and nothing seems right. My mom and I were texting and I started crying. All of a sudden Tasha is doing a lot more with a bunch of other people and it is really scaring me. It's what she wants so I have to get used to it and I just... I just... I don't know... She has seemed really distant lately and I know and she said it's because of all the stuff that is happening. But I think after we talked about it she realized what was going on in my head and she cuddled closer.

Sometimes I am just crazy. And sometimes life is really hard. And I think it is both of those right now. I am just completely overwhelmed. And some people may see what I am thinking as not that big of a deal or something but in my mind it is. I am not good with change. I really am not. It freaks me out completely. I am just really scared of what college is going to bring. I don't think I am scared of Tasha and I because I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I just have to get through these next four years so I can provide for us. Four years seems like a really long time right now... And I am scared.

Thanks for reading.

So it Really Begins

College officially starts today. My first class is about a half hour. I would be in one right now but it was cancelled. Oh well... I feel off about everything right now. Hopefully as soon as classes start and I start rolling along with everything it will all work out. If not I don't know. I just am very uncertain about my college life right now. I know it sounds strange and weird but I really am.

I love Tasha and I know that much. I want to marry her and be with her for the rest of my life. I just wish the rest of my life could begin without $30,000 a semester. We shall see... If I get out this year and realize I really can't pay for this in the long run I may have to switch to community college. Then things get complicated.

It probably ins't a good thing that I am going into this with this though process but I have worst case scenario syndrome. And I would like to talk to Tasha more about how she is liking it here and stuff. She is scared. That much is obvious and we are both freaking out about classes and stuff. I just want to be with her as much as possible. For some reason I feel like I am going to lose her everyday. I guess I have to get past that somehow.

I wish we had constant texting, that would probably make me feel better. Constant contact is very nice. I hate that she lost her job. I really do. She has lost so much because of it. But we will get through this. I think we are both done this afternoon so I'm gunna see if she wants to hang and apply for jobs and stuff and maybe go print some stuff out and figure out how all that works. So thanks for reading.