Oh That's Right

Oh that's right, this blog exists. I keep forgetting. So much for a post every day eh? College life is just keeping my really busy and crazy and stuff. So much going through my head these days too that simply writing a blog post is becoming hard to do without being distracted. I am incredibly tired is about the sum of my college experience so far. I am going home this weekend so hopefully I can rest up a little and try and really relax. Hopefully with Tasha a little too. Umm... Let's see...

Remember at the beginning of the year (check an early post in January) where I talked about Jesus. Well that's a lot of what this school is about. BUT... and here is the big but. I am finding myself so overloaded with it all that I am pushing it away. Like really trying to just shove it away from myself all the time. I honestly don't know what to do. Every time I am sitting in church or in chapel or something I find myself scared to be there and I just don't know what think about any of it anymore. I guess I have never been surrounded with so many people that all believe in Him and I am finding it very hard to be myself. I am so used to there being doubters everywhere and I loved them for it!

Which is weird to say but I really love the people who don't believe. I highly recommend the book "Me of Little Faith" by Lewis Black for this reason. His comedic views on religion are hilarious. Let me say that again HIlarious. Yep, bolded and all. It's one of the reasons I am most looking to going home. Getting a break from all of this will be incredibly relieving and may even help me with my beliefs. I would like to say I believe in Him and I think I do but I think all of these people being so encompassed by the "Holy Spirit" is completely throwing me off.

This is a Nazarene school. Nazarene is a denomination in case you were wondering. I come from a solid Lutheran background so this is COMPLETELY different for me. People close their eyes, smile, bob, raise there hands, move, and more to the music and that really throws me off. I am used to standing still and singing hymns. These contemporary stuff is really throwing me off. And I knew about it before I came here but I guess I was not prepared for the sheer amount of everything that happens here that is so God like.

I guess this is me typing this out to try and understand what I am thinking better. I am hoping to talk about this more with Tasha at the end of this weekend. Thanks for reading as always.