Post 195 | Helplessness

So a few days ago I wrote about the song "Helplessness Blues" by Fleet Foxes, it's a really great song, and has little to do with my latest blog titled "Helplessness," it is just kind of coincidence.

Helplessness is a terrible feeling. That feeling of not being able to do anything about the one thing you want to do something about. I am feeling it heavy right now having had an argument with my girlfriend only to have her go to a meeting thing and be unable to text me back. It really sucks. Not being able to communicate when I need to communicate the most is something that I absolutely loathe.

Being unable to do anything to solve the problem is one of my biggest fears in life. If I cannot do something to fix a wrong in my life I feel like an absolute failure at whatever it may be. Maybe it is just something I did, or maybe it was part of a paper I realized I did something wrong in but already turned in, or maybe it is not being able to help a friend get through something.

Helplessness. I do not think people talk about it enough. We all talk about sadness and depression and anxiety and such but I think helplessness is one of the biggest feelings behind a lot of those things. I am extremely upset that I am helpless in this situation right now. Who knows when I will be? I have been sitting here watching the clock tick by minute by minute just hoping she will get out of her thing or text me the hell back.

I am not going to sit here and explain the argument as much as I would like to. I feel like that is crossing a line. That is why one of my longest and most intense posts was never put up, it was just too much I think.

But anyways, if you ever feel helpless I am right there with you. I am not really sure what to do about it except perhaps accepting the situation and just hoping it will get better. Trying to calm myself down is a big one, deep breaths, doing something distracting or perhaps mind numbing. Just something that keeps your mind off of whatever you are trying to help but cannot.

In this moment, for instance, I am going to start playing a video game I think. Maybe some Starcraft II, it is a good distractor because it requires so much attention and is one of the few games here that actually works decently over the school's online network.

I'll have a post talking about the upcoming name change as I will no longer be a teenager in a few weeks. It'll be an interesting transition and I really hope I do not lose any readers because of a possible URL change. Thanks for reading as always and please point your friends in my general direction!